Good morning, it's Thursday 23rd February 2017, the sun is shining , I have stunning views of the mountain ranges , The Dandenongs, The Yarra Ranges and the national parks in between. There is much green to seen. I watch the sun rise above them each morning and watch the sun set reflected on them each night. We watch the sparkle of night time fall each evening as the distant city lights up and the house and street lights come on.
We have a huge vista of floor to ceiling glass windows on our 8th floor ward and can literally see for miles. Close by we have the train station and we can stand on our balcony and wave goodbye to our children as they go home. There is a lulling background noise of traffic. Close by we have the noises of a ward, the comings and goings, the buzzer that sounds when someone that shouldn't tries to get out of bed. We now mutter ' get back to bed! ' , the gentle knock on the door as a nurse or doctor comes in. There is such a gentleness about them all. The mutterings of the airflow bed as it fills and moves air around to allow Scott to sleep well and protect his pressure areas. The buzz of the aircon which keeps the room at blooming freezing...we now have a heater!
We have been here a week, we have a familiarity with staff, with other visitors, we have progressed from nodding to chatting. We have generosity, we have kindness, we have a peaceful place to be, we have amazing children ( they have amazing parents ...it's in their genes) , we have choirs of ladies of a certain age graciously singing Happy Birthday after their concert in the foyer. We have places to go when we want to leave our room. We have the gift of a very cosy and welcome blanket knitted by someone generous of their time. We have experienced nurses mentoring new graduate nurses in their first weeks since qualifying, we share their joy , one did her first solo drug round last night. I remember those scary, early days ...one day a student, the next with ward keys in your pocket.
I am rather routine led , I like things to follow in a certain order. I call it being organised! I go for a shower, doing the walk of shame along distant corridors, with my pyjamas on and my bed hair ( has to be seen to be believed) all over the place. I was singing the other morning and unbeknownst to me
was heard...the oncology registrar asking on the ward round...was that you ? Yes! I come back ,
fresher, cleaner, fully clothed , hair washed and dried . I pack up my bed back into a chair. I use the ward laundry every second day....to maintain a supply of fresh breeks! Usually the pain doctor ( our lovely , lovely doctor who we had sadly farewelled 3 weeks ago at Peter Mac is based here and we have been unusually allowed to have her be in charge of Scott's pain control. This is unusual as it would normally be oncology team only. We are so grateful for this as Scott's pain needs are quite complex due to the location and spread of tumour. She is such a lovely person, she has strived to make Scott as pain free as possible. She always has a chat with us and shares our sense of humour.
We then have a visit from our oncology team who come around each day. They chat with us both and I have chatted at length on my own. They never make you feel you are taking up too much time. They are lovely ( in that gentle yet honest oncology way) Scott's comfort is their priority. They too have a sense of humour and are more than happy to look at our party photographs and share in our delight. They are special people and I'm glad that people choose to make oncology their speciality.
They see people ; patients and carers at their absolute most vulnerable.
Then it's a mix and match of nurses in and out, other health professionals, the nipping in and out to check if my laundry is dry! Yesterday a nurse came into our room triumphantly holding a thing with black straps aloft saying "look what I found!" .... I looked on in horror as I thought I must have dropped my bra whilst walking from laundry! It was a bag to hold Scott's second syringe driver in!
The kids come in , often at various times as they have other things on , work, school,dog looking after. We all have our evening meal together, sitting at the table, laughing, sharing , loving. They saw their mother absolutely thrash them at Trivial Pursuit ....they were generous of my victory! Being quiet around a snoozing dad is nothing new, hugging a dad hello and goodbye is nothing new. Discussing funerals and choosing music has an urgency now rather than the lightly broached subject it was before. Knowing we don't have forever isn't new but again now has an urgency around it. I
would much rather my children never had to know this pain but we take each day as it comes and make the absolute most of it. Squeeze it dry of moments to be cherished.
The kids go home, there's a dog to be loved back home. He has been getting very well looked after and probably indulged by our kind neighbours, they send us videos of Haggis. We face timed him last night. He looks gorgeous. Scott and I promenade around the ward at least twice, we go out on the balcony and watch the night sparkle, we go to bed and hope for another day ahead.
So still we live to our fullest, we love so truly and we laugh with each other. And we all have clean breeks!
We are grateful to all who posted memories ( some shockers! ) you can keep them coming please.
I have read every single one out to Scott!
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