Hospice-tality

It's Friday the 17th February and we are once again in a hospital bed, in a ward full of lovely nurses and kind doctors. A room with a view of the distant hills , a balcony to sit at and have just been visited by a flock of corellas ( parroty birds) but as soon as they saw my phone coming out they flew off ...squawking and mocking.

A kitchen with a toasted sandwich maker and a fridge for my packed lunch, a room full of jigsaws and books ( I think I have a fear of jigsaws, I really don't like them) , a spa bathroom with candles and bubbles. Little nooks with comfy chairs to sit in. There are sparkly fairy lights in the corridor which are lit at night and on the big balcony of the lounge. There is much, much kindness and gentleness and then that double edged sword of honesty.

Scott's condition has deteriorated , his tumour has grown and grown , his radiotherapy made things much worse and exacerbated a probably already declining health. We gave it a go, we stopped half way through and things just got steadily worse as this week has continued. We were admitted to the Penthouse Suite of Olivia Newton John ( ONJ) Centre of Cancer and Wellness. It seems we are doing the cancer part of the deal. We are in the palliative care ward or for us UK types the hospice ward.

We have been told this morning, very beautifully and very gently that we really don't have very much time left . I would like to ask that if you have something kind, something funny , something stupid or even crazy , something loving can you please share it with us. Why wait until someone's no longer here before you wax lyrical about them.

I have been lucky to have Scott as my husband, we've been together for over 28 years , we have laughed and laughed, shared many a knowing look, we finish sentences , we go to say the same thing at the same time, we have made three fabulous children who share our sense of humour, we've known sadness , we've endured time apart, we have adventured to the other side of the world, he's put up with my ( occasional ) moods....I've put up with his musical tastes. I've loved him for just forever and have always said I love him forever and a day. I've seen him at his lowest and have watched him , twice, relearn how to speak, to eat and to drink after  major surgeries. He is my best friend , my true love, my confidante, my everything.

He is a much loved dad and adored dog daddy. He is a late night drinker of tea with Fiona. They watch River City together  ( sad but true) . In healthier times was a mountain biker with Ruaraidh and they both mooch around the garage doing man things. I do not go in the garage as spiders live in the garage. He is a dad taxi for his youngest daughter...Isla the socialite. Long past me going to bed , Scott would wait up until time to pick her up. We have laughed, we have cried but we have always loved as family. I shall say this only once as it pains me but I think he is Haggis' favourite human. Haggis loves us all but I think he loves Scott the most.

He is a wearer of RM Williams boots...a very expensive , investment buy . Bought for his birthday as an indulgement , with a newly given terminal diagnosis he bought the boots with a lifetime
guarantee! They are polished and conditioned and lavished with much care and attention.


He is a motor cyclist. I have said all along do not leave me with that bloody motorbike....he is leaving me with that bloody motorbike. We thought we had a bit more time than we do. He has enjoyed biking around Victorian countryside .

He is a guitarist....with a penchant for collecting guitars ( soon to be known as bloody guitars!) and has enjoyed making effects pedals for them in his workshop. I've enjoyed listening to him play guitar for so many years ( just not the loud noisy stuff!)

He makes a mean spag Bol....that is it! But it's a good one!

He is a mountain climber and has walked many a Scottish mountain in all weathers...usually with his friend Mark. It's to snow at the weekend ...great...lets go up a craggy ravine! It's lashing with rain...nah! No worries.



He is a proud Scottish man but equally proud to now being an Australian. Taking our citizenship last year was an achievement that he was very proud of.

He was an adored youngest son. He loved his mum and dad very much and really missed them when we moved here . He is and adored and probably indulged little brother. He is an uncle and a cousin and a nephew.

He is lots of things to lots of people and I would love to share your thoughts and memories now whilst he can still hear them.

#heartisbreaking
#onj
#xanadu
#lovelaughlive