It's Thursday 12th January 2017. I am typing this as Anthony the Handyman repairs the damage to house and garage caused by our freak storm 2 weeks ago. It's a hot summers day but most days are hot summer days just of varying degrees of heat. It's still school holidays until the end of the month though kids are all still working so are in and out at various times. Scott and I have been backwards and forwards at continual medical appointments this week , today being our only appointment free day this week.
We spent 8 days in a side room on the third floor at Peter Mac hospital, overlooking the city ...the other side of the ward looks on to Royal Melbourne Hospital so we certainly had the better view this time. I spent 8 days wrapped in a cardigan with a blanket over my ankles ( channeling my inner granny) as the room was so cool with the aircon behind my seat. Meanwhile , outside, Melbourne melted ever so slightly. I would arrive on the ward just after 7.30am and was kindly picked up at 7pm by my friend...who would then listen to my tales of woe on the way home. I was asked on Friday why I spent all day here...I felt I had to justify myself and primarily I said because I actully quite like my husband and we quite like spending time with each other. Other reasons included being there on time for doctors coming round, usually just after 8am , being there to peel Scott's oranges and of course the free air conditioning unit blasting cold air on my ankles.
We both quickly became institutionalised to hospital routine, most of which revolves around food and mealtimes ( though I think that is generally how I live anyway!) Breakfast to start the day followed by morning tea and then it was lunch which was quickly followed by afternoon tea and then tea and then supper! However ....just to keep us on our toes, sometimes afternoon tea was later than normal which meant you were still groaningly full of food at teatime which would in turn mean supper could be a struggle! Meals are ordered through a bedside laptop . We had access to a pantry for tea making facilities and orange peeling purposes. A tiny little space where I often met other patients partners and chit chat would follow. I was asked by one lady with an accent who had problems with my accent, "what's he in for?" ....er, that would be cancer. Then she started getting quieter and quieter in a Les Dawson fashion talking about her husband's liver cancer until I couldn't hear / nor understand her. So I took my orange segments, a cup of tea and left her to her cup of milo!
Scott snoozed, I read, Scott snoozed, I may have snoozed, Scott snoozed, I wrote emails, Scott snoozed....well Scott did a lot of snoozing and I did a lot of just sitting quietly. Yet each day, Scott got a bit brighter, a bit better , this was encouraging to see as he had been very unwell when he was admitted. Nurses popped in and out, doctors popped in and out, our children popped in and out , nutritionists and speech pathologist popped in and out. Food was constantly arriving. The ward cleaner popped in and out...I learned when to lift my feet off the floor at the right time and would have a wee chat with her each day.
Scott was discharged on Saturday morning ...Peter Mac threw us out on the hottest day of the week! Goodbye frozen ankles, farewell cardigans, no more oranges to peel as Woolworths ( supermarket) hadn't quite got my online delivery right...3kg oranges ordered , one wee sad and lonely orange delivered, 5 bananas ordered...4 yellow and one almost speckled black one delivered....the worst of
all though was a Cadbury Double Decker ( an imported treat) which looked like the delivery driver had kept it in his back pocket for safety! Squashed beyond recognition! Anyway ...email sent, refund given and a free delivery code too!
We had an appointment with our lovely, kind, gentle yet brutally honest oncologist yesterday
afternoon. He had been on leave whilst Scott was ill. So after I brought him up to date with our last 2 weeks, he brought us up to date with last Friday's CT report. It did not make joyful reading. It was as we expected but still shocking to be told. The tumour has continued to grow sizeably. The chemotherapy, which was always a palliative measure never curative, had not worked and had just succeeded in making Scott very unwell. Along with our oncologicist's advice , our children's agreement we have made the decision to stop actively taking treatment. Any further treatment would just result in Scott suffering from horrific side effects for very little if any gain. Nobody thinks that's an option.
So , we , as our little family of five, huddled in together last night .What was always inevitable is still inevitable. I feel reality is constantly tapping me on the shoulder, whispering in my ear. But we shall absolutely be living and loving and laughing together and making the absolute most of the time we have together.
#pants
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