It's Hogmanay 2016. There are only a few hours left of this year. The sun is setting over the Melbourne skyline and below me in the city people are getting ready to party and welcome in 2017.
I'm in Peter Mac hospital, I've been here all day with Scott and the kids will be travelling in to the city soon to join us 'see in the bells' together. We should hopefully have an excellent view of the city fireworks yet avoid the crush of the city centre. We should have a vantage point for the Docklands fireworks to our right and the city to our left. Always looking for the brighter side of life , when I gathered the children yesterday afternoon to explain that Dad needs to be in hospital for a few days we realised we could still all celebrate New Year together ( permission permitting ...which was absolutely not a problem...with doctors and nurses checking out our vantage point).
We, as a family , have had reason to celebrate this year. We became Australian citizens, we dared to dream of a fabulous family trip and had just that in June/ July when we went to Tasmania. We 'did' Deb and survived! We squeezed in a trip to Scotland and did so much in 6 tiny days...we certainly experienced more than 6 days worth of love and laughter in that time...love and laughter that has buoyed us many times in past 6 months.
We've learned new words...(one of my favourites is vesicant) We've met new people. We've experienced more than we had hoped for. We have experienced much kindness...we've experienced much numpty-ness but we just inwardly tut and move on. We've experienced much love and realised the power of a hug ( just NOT on a hot day please!) . We have all probably experienced more inner strength than we knew we had.
We also have experienced utter sadness, disappointment, worry, concern, anticipatory grief , confrontation after confrontation ...the whole journey is so confronting. But we take life a day at a time and just keep on keeping on because that is sometimes all we can do.
Scott has had a very poorly week but is now in the right place and being treated ( like really treated...meals on a tray and films on a laptop!) we've had thorough discussions with doctors and been listened to. The ability to listen isn't necessarily a pre-requisite for medical school although I think it should be.
We are grateful for the love and support we have from friends and family in all directions of this world. So from our family , as the sun sets on 2016 and the city sparkles in the night we wish you all happiness for 2017. Wish that you have someone or something to love and be loved by. That you have laughter in your lives ...or at the very least a smile every day.
Happy New Year when it comes x
#livelaughandlove
Saturday, 31 December 2016
Saturday, 24 December 2016
Merry and bright
Today is Christmas Day 2016.
Almost 6 months ago we were told Scott's cancer was incurable. I asked through snots and tears if we would have Christmas together and that's when it was suggested that we celebrate earlier. We did . In August , when it was cold and dark and sparkly with winter frost. We celebrated with friends. We did an advent countdown. We ate a traditional Christmas dinner. We exchanged gifts. Tree was decorated ( and then only partially dismantled!) candles were lit. Blessings were counted. Carols were sung. Mince pies were made and eaten.
We were told to do this, not because Scott wouldn't be with us but because Scott's condition may have changed . Four months on and advent countdown has been done photo journal style. Christmas trees are sparkling with fairy lights, we have caught up with friends, carols have again been sung with gusto ( I do love my Christmas music) , schmaltzy Christmas movies watched and enjoyed, blessings counted again. I was recently told that I am surrounded in a bubble of love, I would agree ...(was also recently told by an almost stranger that I'm very detached...what does she know?). Christmas cards were written and signed by all our names....my husband warned not to go anywhere until my cards were sent...the envelopes were already stamped! Mince pies were once more baked and eaten and eaten by only Fiona and I ( so it's just as well Christmas only comes twice a year) and cakes were made and shared with friends.
But to add to this has been a full on month of hospital appointments. We are lucky to have such a good medical team looking after us. We are trying to get pain levels under control. The nature and position of Scott's tumour is on nerve endings and travelling as it has grown along nerve pathways which cause horrid neuropathic pains which shoot across his face at random. Horrid to watch and absolutely horrid for him to experience. Scott's energy levels depleted at times so no trips into the City this year doing festive things...only trips into the city are visits to hospital. Friends came to us rather than meeting up with them. Friends have kindly brought gifts of love ...usually in the form of food! Food is love , right? We are very grateful that these people are in our lives.
Today , Christmas Day 2016 , Scott has been knocked for six by the effects of his chemotherapy. He is sleeping . We are mooching around trying to find a cool place to be. We are used to being quiet when he's feeling unwell. We are used to him being unwell. We take each day as it comes....we celebrate the good ones, we get through the not so good ones and look forward to tomorrow being another day. The dog has been walked, he has enjoyed playing with his new toys ( you can never have too many balls ,can you Haggis?) and he has had fun cooling down in his paddling pool in the garden. We shall eat later...salad. Pavlova or trifle for pud. We shall eat under the aircon....too hot to eat outside. We shall eat all together as our family of five, we shall laugh, we shall talk, we shall wear silly hats out of crackers ( called Bon Bons here), we shall groan at cracker jokes. We shall , each in our own way, be grateful that we are all here together.
We all wish you a Merry Christmas and hope that it's everything you wish for.
Almost 6 months ago we were told Scott's cancer was incurable. I asked through snots and tears if we would have Christmas together and that's when it was suggested that we celebrate earlier. We did . In August , when it was cold and dark and sparkly with winter frost. We celebrated with friends. We did an advent countdown. We ate a traditional Christmas dinner. We exchanged gifts. Tree was decorated ( and then only partially dismantled!) candles were lit. Blessings were counted. Carols were sung. Mince pies were made and eaten.
We were told to do this, not because Scott wouldn't be with us but because Scott's condition may have changed . Four months on and advent countdown has been done photo journal style. Christmas trees are sparkling with fairy lights, we have caught up with friends, carols have again been sung with gusto ( I do love my Christmas music) , schmaltzy Christmas movies watched and enjoyed, blessings counted again. I was recently told that I am surrounded in a bubble of love, I would agree ...(was also recently told by an almost stranger that I'm very detached...what does she know?). Christmas cards were written and signed by all our names....my husband warned not to go anywhere until my cards were sent...the envelopes were already stamped! Mince pies were once more baked and eaten and eaten by only Fiona and I ( so it's just as well Christmas only comes twice a year) and cakes were made and shared with friends.
But to add to this has been a full on month of hospital appointments. We are lucky to have such a good medical team looking after us. We are trying to get pain levels under control. The nature and position of Scott's tumour is on nerve endings and travelling as it has grown along nerve pathways which cause horrid neuropathic pains which shoot across his face at random. Horrid to watch and absolutely horrid for him to experience. Scott's energy levels depleted at times so no trips into the City this year doing festive things...only trips into the city are visits to hospital. Friends came to us rather than meeting up with them. Friends have kindly brought gifts of love ...usually in the form of food! Food is love , right? We are very grateful that these people are in our lives.
Today , Christmas Day 2016 , Scott has been knocked for six by the effects of his chemotherapy. He is sleeping . We are mooching around trying to find a cool place to be. We are used to being quiet when he's feeling unwell. We are used to him being unwell. We take each day as it comes....we celebrate the good ones, we get through the not so good ones and look forward to tomorrow being another day. The dog has been walked, he has enjoyed playing with his new toys ( you can never have too many balls ,can you Haggis?) and he has had fun cooling down in his paddling pool in the garden. We shall eat later...salad. Pavlova or trifle for pud. We shall eat under the aircon....too hot to eat outside. We shall eat all together as our family of five, we shall laugh, we shall talk, we shall wear silly hats out of crackers ( called Bon Bons here), we shall groan at cracker jokes. We shall , each in our own way, be grateful that we are all here together.
We all wish you a Merry Christmas and hope that it's everything you wish for.
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