Trump-it

I'm not having a fabulous morning, I'm feeling a bit subdued ( read -bloody sad)  but I've written a list  which always makes me feel better and I've already ticked three things off it.
Pulled pork in slow cooker ✔️
Post a parcel ✔️
First load of washing hung out ( optimistically as its dull and dreich) ✔️

We've spent the past few days in hospital, Scott was admitted on Saturday night so I've been trying to do the balance of home/ children/ husband/ dog . It's all a bit trying and exhausting and I know as time goes on this will get harder. We have had such kind offers of help and I think maybe ( but maybe not quite yet) I need to acknowledge when it's time to accept these offers. I'm used to being the person who offers help so it's hard being the recipient of kindness and knowing when to say "yes please, that  would be lovely , thank you" instead of  " we are okay at the moment, thank you " I should maybe put it on my list of things to do.

I also, always think that as soon as Scott is home I will sleep well. I don't sleep well anyway, so why I think that should make a difference I don't know? I don't sleep well when he's in hospital...he doesn't sleep well when he's in hospital ( he was woken up at 2.15am yesterday by a doctor wanting to  attempt to cannulate him...a nightmare situation, literally!) so a lack of sleep , raging heartburn ( I love Thai food, it does not love me, I do not learn) and the realisation that Scott's hair was falling out big style this morning saw me howling first thing.

There was a pile of what can only be described as something like Donald Trump's hairdo on the shower base this morning . Same colour, same shape! We knew his hair would come out , it's a side effect of his chemotherapy treatment, it was due to happen at this point in the chemo cycle but still it's very confronting ( as a lot of this cancer journey is) , it's a visual reminder ( as if we need reminding ) of what's going on. Its hard. It's awful. It's just how I feel. I am made up of at least 95% emotion, there's a small 5% that's sensible and rational which realises that this would happen but the majority of me just wants to weep and wail today and to mourn that thick mop of hair, that's been grown in protest at having to have it buzz cut for major surgery last year. Our oncologist commented the first time we met him "that's a very impressive mane " ..." You will lose it" .

Today is that day.

Vacuuming as we call it out here, hoovering as we call it back home! Whatever it's called ...it's  next on the list ...there's a toupee to be rounded up!

Haves a good hair day 😜