Tomorrow will be 20th August 2016, our 24th wedding anniversary. It will probably be the last one we get to celebrate together...I will be at work and Scott will probably ( hopefully) have a long lie and restful day. We are having lunch together on Sunday as a family and I'm looking forward to that.
So, we won't make silver but we do get to make it to Tanzanite which I think is an achievement. I love being married, I always have and I love being married to Scott , he is by far my favourite husband. Even on our first date in 1988 I knew I would marry him and look...I was right ...again!
In August 1992 , it had lashed with rain all month but after early showers it dried up enough for us to get to church dry, have photos taken at Dean Castle, drive to Fenwick Hotel and then it absolutely lashed later on. We had vintage cars and a vintage bus called ' Maggie's Bus' ( from 'Take The High Road') , we had fresh flowers , we had immediate family and lots of friends to join us and celebrate our day. We had laughter, we had love and we had a life of living to do together.
We had our first flat with its tiny kitchen and even tinier bathroom ( turquoise bath! ) , we had no central heating and used to take it in turns to get out of bed to switch the immersor on to heat water ...it was freezing! We had fun in that first flat and enjoyed making it ours...central heating a must! We brought Ruaraidh home there but with a Fiona soon on the way we needed to look for a bigger house.
A very short stay in Galston, loved the house but not the town for us and moved back to Kilmarnock within 18 months and our home for next 9 years. By this time Isla had joined us and completed our family of 5. Scott had started travelling with work in that time and this was hard at times but he always came home to us and we enjoyed the benefits of airmiles! Him coming home was always something to be looked forward to. Luckily technology had brought us Internet and mobile phones in this time! We could keep in constant touch. We then had a move to a bigger house...our forever home ( so we thought! ) , which I chose as Scott was in Australia ...I just had to phone him, describe it to him and he just had to trust I'd choose well!
By the time we had been married for 18 years we knew we were moving to Melbourne, to start a new life adventure as a family. We have had great times here, we've had difficult times here but we've had each other and that's all we can ask for ! We have hard times ahead but we will do it together. We have and are lucky to have 24 years of marriage to look back on and whatever time we have together to look forward to. We have been blessed with three fabulous children ...they've been blessed with a fabulous mum and dad (#justsaying- they will read this! ) and we are so fortunate to have each other and to live our lives side by side together every day.
Happy 24th anniversary Scott...you chose well 😍 ( apparently tanzanites and diamonds go well together ...#justsaying )
Always living, definitely loving and doing my best to keep laughing !
Thursday, 18 August 2016
Tuesday, 16 August 2016
Trump-it
I'm not having a fabulous morning, I'm feeling a bit subdued ( read -bloody sad) but I've written a list which always makes me feel better and I've already ticked three things off it.
Pulled pork in slow cooker ✔️
Post a parcel ✔️
First load of washing hung out ( optimistically as its dull and dreich) ✔️
We've spent the past few days in hospital, Scott was admitted on Saturday night so I've been trying to do the balance of home/ children/ husband/ dog . It's all a bit trying and exhausting and I know as time goes on this will get harder. We have had such kind offers of help and I think maybe ( but maybe not quite yet) I need to acknowledge when it's time to accept these offers. I'm used to being the person who offers help so it's hard being the recipient of kindness and knowing when to say "yes please, that would be lovely , thank you" instead of " we are okay at the moment, thank you " I should maybe put it on my list of things to do.
I also, always think that as soon as Scott is home I will sleep well. I don't sleep well anyway, so why I think that should make a difference I don't know? I don't sleep well when he's in hospital...he doesn't sleep well when he's in hospital ( he was woken up at 2.15am yesterday by a doctor wanting to attempt to cannulate him...a nightmare situation, literally!) so a lack of sleep , raging heartburn ( I love Thai food, it does not love me, I do not learn) and the realisation that Scott's hair was falling out big style this morning saw me howling first thing.
There was a pile of what can only be described as something like Donald Trump's hairdo on the shower base this morning . Same colour, same shape! We knew his hair would come out , it's a side effect of his chemotherapy treatment, it was due to happen at this point in the chemo cycle but still it's very confronting ( as a lot of this cancer journey is) , it's a visual reminder ( as if we need reminding ) of what's going on. Its hard. It's awful. It's just how I feel. I am made up of at least 95% emotion, there's a small 5% that's sensible and rational which realises that this would happen but the majority of me just wants to weep and wail today and to mourn that thick mop of hair, that's been grown in protest at having to have it buzz cut for major surgery last year. Our oncologist commented the first time we met him "that's a very impressive mane " ..." You will lose it" .
Today is that day.
Vacuuming as we call it out here, hoovering as we call it back home! Whatever it's called ...it's next on the list ...there's a toupee to be rounded up!
Haves a good hair day 😜
Pulled pork in slow cooker ✔️
Post a parcel ✔️
First load of washing hung out ( optimistically as its dull and dreich) ✔️
We've spent the past few days in hospital, Scott was admitted on Saturday night so I've been trying to do the balance of home/ children/ husband/ dog . It's all a bit trying and exhausting and I know as time goes on this will get harder. We have had such kind offers of help and I think maybe ( but maybe not quite yet) I need to acknowledge when it's time to accept these offers. I'm used to being the person who offers help so it's hard being the recipient of kindness and knowing when to say "yes please, that would be lovely , thank you" instead of " we are okay at the moment, thank you " I should maybe put it on my list of things to do.
I also, always think that as soon as Scott is home I will sleep well. I don't sleep well anyway, so why I think that should make a difference I don't know? I don't sleep well when he's in hospital...he doesn't sleep well when he's in hospital ( he was woken up at 2.15am yesterday by a doctor wanting to attempt to cannulate him...a nightmare situation, literally!) so a lack of sleep , raging heartburn ( I love Thai food, it does not love me, I do not learn) and the realisation that Scott's hair was falling out big style this morning saw me howling first thing.
There was a pile of what can only be described as something like Donald Trump's hairdo on the shower base this morning . Same colour, same shape! We knew his hair would come out , it's a side effect of his chemotherapy treatment, it was due to happen at this point in the chemo cycle but still it's very confronting ( as a lot of this cancer journey is) , it's a visual reminder ( as if we need reminding ) of what's going on. Its hard. It's awful. It's just how I feel. I am made up of at least 95% emotion, there's a small 5% that's sensible and rational which realises that this would happen but the majority of me just wants to weep and wail today and to mourn that thick mop of hair, that's been grown in protest at having to have it buzz cut for major surgery last year. Our oncologist commented the first time we met him "that's a very impressive mane " ..." You will lose it" .
Today is that day.
Vacuuming as we call it out here, hoovering as we call it back home! Whatever it's called ...it's next on the list ...there's a toupee to be rounded up!
Haves a good hair day 😜
Thursday, 11 August 2016
What she said !
Whilst I've always loved decorating for Christmas , I also love putting it all away and being fresh and tidy again.
This is what Fiona had written in my m-early Christmas card. I have her permission to share😉
"Mum,
Last Christmas I gave you my heart, so thank God it's Christmas early this year! I don't want a lot for Christmas, I just want you not to cry for a day!
We are what feels like Falling through the air, uncertain of where you'll land soon but we are all still here to Rock around the Christmas Tree(s) , so we should Stop the cavalry for one day and eat and be merry for a while. It might even turn into a Fairytale of Watsonia if we party long and hard enough
Stop yer gurnin' already and wait patiently for your m-early present to arrive, you can look at it and remember what a lovely family you have on this side of the planet.
I wish it could be m-early Christmas every day so we could ignore cancer for now - but alas.
Love you,
Fiona.
X
PS .We'd turn into mince pies before too long! "
Do sing along !
Tuesday, 2 August 2016
Comfort Zone
We are back in hospital today , Scott is having a blood transfusion and then an iron transfusion ...I'm just having a rather tasty piece of chocolate cake ( tiny but delicious , small enough to have hardly any calories) .
We are in the brand new, shiny and sparkling Peter Mac Cancer Centre aka The Victorian Comprehensive Cancer Centre , this just opened a few weeks ago and is so much brighter and lighter than the old Peter Mac.
I used to , in a previous life, be a nurse and that sound training and grounding we had back in the olden days never leaves you. I've not actively nursed in 14 years but can still do hospital corners, can usually make the diagnosis on Casualty and Holby City before the doctors do and can hold my own in a converstaion with real life doctors over here!
So, to be here , has an odd comfort factor for me...don't know about Scott, he just very easily , goes with the flow. He puts up with being poked and prodded, photographed ...don't know how many doctors have a photo of him on there iPhones by now! He is stabbed with needles , attached to drips , strapped to a blood pressure monitor and just lets it all happen. He is a very patient, patient.
I, however, am a very inquisitive patient's wife. I like to know exactly what's going on, why its happening , when it's happening and usually along the way I'm asked ' are you a nurse? ' ...ah, I was once! I occasionally tut , under my breath and think that we would not have got away with this or that back in my day but I think that basic nursing care is the same the world over. All the nurses we have met here are so happy and friendly and genuinely seem to enjoy their jobs....as a patient /patient's wife this is encouraging.
Every other patient here is going through cancer, some will have a positive outcome, others will not but here we are all the same. No one is staring , no one is judgemental, no one is bothered . There's an air of upbeat -ness, banter with the staff, an encouraging smile at each other across the room, a cheerio on the way out, grateful that treatment's over for another time. So , if we have to do our palliative treatment anywhere I'm glad we are doing it here. *
*free cake may be a contributory factor.
Always living , loving and laughing
We are in the brand new, shiny and sparkling Peter Mac Cancer Centre aka The Victorian Comprehensive Cancer Centre , this just opened a few weeks ago and is so much brighter and lighter than the old Peter Mac.
I used to , in a previous life, be a nurse and that sound training and grounding we had back in the olden days never leaves you. I've not actively nursed in 14 years but can still do hospital corners, can usually make the diagnosis on Casualty and Holby City before the doctors do and can hold my own in a converstaion with real life doctors over here!
So, to be here , has an odd comfort factor for me...don't know about Scott, he just very easily , goes with the flow. He puts up with being poked and prodded, photographed ...don't know how many doctors have a photo of him on there iPhones by now! He is stabbed with needles , attached to drips , strapped to a blood pressure monitor and just lets it all happen. He is a very patient, patient.
I, however, am a very inquisitive patient's wife. I like to know exactly what's going on, why its happening , when it's happening and usually along the way I'm asked ' are you a nurse? ' ...ah, I was once! I occasionally tut , under my breath and think that we would not have got away with this or that back in my day but I think that basic nursing care is the same the world over. All the nurses we have met here are so happy and friendly and genuinely seem to enjoy their jobs....as a patient /patient's wife this is encouraging.
Every other patient here is going through cancer, some will have a positive outcome, others will not but here we are all the same. No one is staring , no one is judgemental, no one is bothered . There's an air of upbeat -ness, banter with the staff, an encouraging smile at each other across the room, a cheerio on the way out, grateful that treatment's over for another time. So , if we have to do our palliative treatment anywhere I'm glad we are doing it here. *
*free cake may be a contributory factor.
Always living , loving and laughing
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