A strange sense of perhaps complacency had came over me , my husband , who may have lost his fine head of hair but who has gained an appetite ( not seen since 2012) has been actually well. Chemotherapy oddly seems to agree with him. He's been climbing national icons, been eating for both Scotland an Australia and has had more energy than we've seen for a while. So I may be forgiven to being lulled into a sense of emotional security. There were no actual tears for a whole week. (As someone made up of 95% emotion , that is actually miraculous)
Then we saw our oncologist last week. I've not stopped crying since. The tears sneak up on me ...ninja tears. We knew chemotherapy was never a cure, we knew it was always palliative and it seems to be doing a good palliative job. Our oncologist is lovely , I don't know if they all are but ours is. He is kind, he is gentle , he is very clever , he has a sense of humour, I like him . He is also very honest. The first time we met him, I asked him to be honest. He said he would never be anything but honest. Oh dear. Honesty hurts. I sat in his office and cried for the first time in a whole week.
Cancer you are so bloody crappy.
So we carry on with living to our best capacity, we have so many good things still to do do, we have plans of places to go, people to see. There's a dog to be walked and children to grow up some more. There are so many more what's for dinners and puddings to be baked to satisfy Mr Hungry all the time. There are moments to be treasured and laughs to be had.
I recently chose a beautiful ring to celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary. Two tanzanites ( as there's two of us) and diamonds ( just because....I'm worth it) , they are designed in a twist. I wanted to wear it on my left ring finger. There lay a dilemma. For past 14 years I've worn a diamond eternity ring as my original wedding band had been cut off . Scott's also had been cut off ....his due to injury , mine due to chocolate. They had had been sitting together in a jewellery box for many years. So , I approached a local independant jeweller and asked if they could be melted down together and reformed to fit around my new ring. Of course, for a price, they could be. So I picked up my new from old wedding ring on Saturday, it fits perfectly on my finger and around my new ring. I'm glad the rings we chose over 24 years are together on my finger and not languishing in a box anymore.
Still living, loving and laughing in amongst tears
#shinebrightlikeadiamond
